Life.

Life. From the moment that umbilical cord is cut, and you step into this vast world from the tiny one you were used to living in, life has been nothing but hard on you. You don't like this big unfamiliar scary dark world. You'd rather live inside that tiny one, full of warmth and a place you could call home. And hence, you cry. The first thing you do after entering this world is, cry. You don't know where you are, what's the mysterious creature holding you and you don't know what you are supposed to do, out here. Inside that tiny world, you pretty much did nothing, nothing at all.

And then, as you grow up, you learn to adapt to this new world, and start behaving like the same mysterious creatures, the ones you were afraid of. It astonishes you, how fast and how sudden the change was, and how you forgot about that tiny little world from where you came out of, and all its memories.
Growing up was always a challenge for you, although you were given everything you could ever wish for, it still lacked one thing, and that was, a mother's love. She never did get the chance to show her love to you. Your father said, she died when you were young. You ask your father frequently, how did it happen, but he just changes the subject rudely. You don't know what happened to your mother, but you hope that where ever she is, she is safe and happy. Finally, you're eighteen now. And by then, you build up the rebellious side of yours, which didn't get any less, thanks to the lack of attention of your father over you. You wouldn't hear it, but you knew that your father hated you. Deep down inside, he despised you, your existence. You didn't know why, and that was what pissed you off.

And then all of a sudden, you finally find out why. You didn't ask for it, you didn't plan for it to happen, but you suddenly now know, why your father despised you. If you were in his shoes, you'd hate yourself too. This was all too big of a news for you. You couldn't handle that stabbing pain in your heart and your head. You think of a way to end this pain, this stabbing, and then you finally get a rope and a chair, and end the pain, once and for all. You finally leave this world, but you don't cry like the time, you came into it. You feel good, leaving this world. Cause you finally realize what sacrifices were made for you to bring you into this world, and leave that tiny one. You finally realize you were the reason, that your mother was not with you right now. You finally realize that you were the one, who destroyed that tiny little world. Leaving it devastated when you came out, bruised and shattered. You hang lifelessly, from the ceiling, a puddle of tears beneath your chair. But a smile on your face, cause you'll finally be one, with that same tiny little world again.

A nice perfect fit.

Those tiny little faint touches that make your hair stand on the back of your neck. Freckled little goosebumps all over your skin. You feel all giddy. You feel like the whole world has stopped and that touch is all that you feel, all you wanna feel. Like that last piece of cake that you keep savoring in your mouth, not wanting it to fall down to your tummy, You wanna keep tasting that sweet taste and keep those taste buds alive with the sweetness. You know it won't be there for long, but you don't want it to end. As those faint touches start giving you the chills, you hold on to those touches even tight. Cause your heart's racing really fast. Holding on tighter, somehow, calms you down.
                                                     You feel the warmth in the grasp. As heat is exchanged and transferred from one to another, you don't let go. You embrace the warmth. You start liking it. It's like the best warmth the entire world could offer. You stay motionless as possible, afraid that your movement will ruin this perfect moment. You just look down, stare at the bond, and be grateful for it. Your heart is not inside your rib cage anymore, it beats faster, trying to break hold of those cages wanting to come out and let out a cry of pleasure, but you control your wild heart. Tell your mind to take care of it for you. Don't do anything stupid. Your mind reminds you then, that the warmth is increasing. Beads of sweat forming between the tiny enclosed spaces in the bond.
                                           You start to panic. Should you let go of it all now? Would it be the wise thing to do, even if, not what you wanted to do? You just stay there, knowing that it's not only you, who felt the warmth and the sweat beads. So you calm down. You realize, this moment is way too precious to ruin it over some water droplets. You hold tighter now. And soon enough, your whole body starts to feel the warmth. As soon as it reaches your heart, you feel like maybe its time to finally gobble that last piece of cake down. Maybe its time to let the momentary happiness fade, after being cherished as much as it could have been, and move on to the next momentary happiness. And then, you finally let go of that perfect fit. That perfect fit where all the spaces, are filled completely. It's like two souls uniting. And after the unification is done, you disconnect, knowing that you don't need to be physically joined for the connection that is now eminent between you two. And then, you know that it is time, that you finally let go of her hand.

To Love.

The atmosphere was alcoholic, beer glasses strewn everywhere. "...and I still remember how her hair felt on my face, lads." said the old man. Everyone round the table listened carefully to this old man. Maybe he was important. Or the stuff he was saying, was important. "And how she always knew, when I was staring at her and then she would give that shy smile and turn the other way." All the men on the table reminisced their loved ones and agreed to the old man's words, which seemed true and wise at the moment. "Do you menfolk remember that sweet feeling that overflows through you when you wake up and see her face, the first thing in the morning? Yeah, I still remember that feeling. You might think with age, I might have some troubles with my memory, but no, this part of my mind, its all still clear to me." The men could do nothing but listen to him, and sip their beer in silence.
"And I can promise you one thing, lads." the old man continued, "nobody in this whole town could whip up a nicer and a tastier breakfast than her. Maybe she used some special stuff, to make it extra delicious, I don't know. But whatever it may be, it was the best, I tell ya." The men were almost salivating at the thought of it. The bartender decided to close the bar for a while and listen to this old man speak. It may be helpful some day. Soon the crowd grew around the table where the old man sat. He kept speaking, "The best thing about her was that when I got sad for some reason, she'd always be there to cheer me up. And I'd do the same. I'd hug her and kiss her on her forehead and whisper "Everything will be okay, my dear." And she trusted me. She trusted my words." The old man started coughing. Someone brought him a glass of water, he drank it and wiped his mouth with his handkerchief. Everyone was paying attention to the old man.
"Do you folks know how it feels to be loved? Or how it feels to love someone? Well if you do, answer me this: Do you think you'd do literally anything for that loved one? To keep them by your side, at all times?"
Nobody spoke a word. Silence all around the table.
                       "Well if you can't, then I'm sorry to say this, son, you haven't realized what love is yet. You folks are too scared, and if love came strolling right in front of your garden, you'd rather close the curtains than take care of  it and look after it. You men should be ashamed of yourselves, half of your life has already gone and yet, you're sitting here, in this bar right now, when you should've been out to dinner with your family. Appreciate what you have, before it's too late." All of a sudden, the atmosphere changes from calm to almost chaos. Everyone despising the old man now, for insulting them. As the old man stands to leave, and heads for the door, a man calls from behind, "Hey old man ! If you think we're not doing it right, why are YOU all alone here, in THIS bar right now, instead of having a dinner with YOUR family? Why is the love of your life not by your side right now? Couldn't you keep her with you till the end?"
                    The old man stopped dead in his tracks. "My wife died in a car accident, along with my two kids. Twenty five years ago. That is why I said to you, appreciate what you have, before it's too late."
The old man walked out the door. Everyone stood silent now. The guy who shouted earlier, felt ashamed for his actions now. He went to the bartender and said "The next round's on me. Get everyone a refill."
As everybody gets a fresh glass of beer handed to them, the man stands up and says, "I'd like to make a toast."
"A toast to what?" another man says.
The man replies, "A toast to love."

I Am Jack

[A reference to the movie "Fight Club"]

I am Jack's empty soul
Nothing inside me
I am Jack's brainless head
The reason why I despise it

I am Jack's hatred
Uncontrollable as it seems
I am Jack's sadness
Dried tears on my cheek

I am Jack's dying hope
No chance to redeem myself
I am Jack's weak body
Unable to hold the blows any longer

I am Jack's urge to hurt
Why should I be the one all the time?
I am Jack's kind heart
Fuck all that shit. I'm just fine.